I’m a pray-er.
I
totally and utterly believe that my God can do the impossible. (Letting you into a little secret, sometimes when I
pray I feel like Wonderwoman taking ground in enemy lines. It’s pretty exciting.)
But I currently find myself in a period of waiting for a really
important answer. I’ve prayed about it
for so long that I think even God must be getting bored of my prayers now and I’m
certainly running out of words. My prayers have become an inner longing, a groan. In the waiting I find my
praying has become a minute-by-minute closeness with my God.
We’ve given up jobs and time and, quite honestly, our whole
lives preparing for the answer we are waiting for. The last three months we have spent slogging
over policies, procedures, website content, forms and things so complicated
that I still don’t understand them as we are in the process of setting up our new charity, Hope at Home. We have lived and breathed it. It’s been a full
time job for both of us and one we know, without any doubts, that God has asked us to do
But if we don’t receive the charity status we’ve applied for
or manage to find an insurer who agrees to insure our scheme, all our efforts
will grind to a halt. We can’t operate
as a charity without those two things.
It’s completely out of our hands. All we can do is wait. And pray.
Really pray.
I think about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego; three
characters found in the book of Daniel.
These guys lived in Babylon with a dictator of a king, Nebuchadnezzar, who forced the whole nation to bow down and worship him. The three men refused. They would only worship their God and they
could not compromise. And so Nebuchadnezzar decided to throw them into a fire.
Now, I know my tendency is to be somewhat dramatic. Clearly if our prayers aren’t answered, we
are not going to be thrown into a fire and burnt alive. But there will certainly be ‘fire’ in the
disguise of difficulties, decisions that need to be made, financial struggles
and wondering what our God is doing.
But Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego didn’t have a plan
B. They told the King that they were
absolutely certain their God would deliver them BUT EVEN IF HE DOESN’T, they
would still not bow down and worship anyone else.
I was struck by this.
What is it that my anxieties about the future cause me to
bow down to?
Fear?
Discontent?
Knowing the outcomes?
Lack of trust in my God?
Self reliance?
Supposed job security?
In the waiting, I choose to be like Shadrach Meshach and
Abednego. I refuse to bow down to these ‘idols’
because I am confident that my God will answer my prayers and deliver us. I know he will make a way.
BUT EVEN IF HE DOESN’T, I am still not going
to make a plan B. I am still not going
to worship the cultural idols of job security and self-reliance. Even if God does not answer my prayers in the
way I think he should (and that’s a whole other blog), I still choose to trust
him.
Why?
Because I know he is good.
I know he works all things together for my good and
ultimately for his glory.
I know he loves me
I know he is faithful – he has proved this to me over and
over again.
I know that he already has the victory.
I know his heart beats for justice.
I know his plans are perfect and that he always completes
what he starts.
So, without a plan B, I choose to trust. I choose to put my hopes, my dreams, my time,
my finances, my family and my future into the hands of the One who knows what
is coming next.
And I wait for his answer.
