Children Should Be Seen And Not Heard.

Definitely. Especially when they are going to embarrass you. Until he opens his mouth, Jonah looks like the perfect little angelic 3 year old. His blonde hair and sky blue eyes are enough to melt even the hardest of hearts. Until he opens his mouth, that is.

Walking home from school this afternoon, (whilst listening to 3 sets of the day's news, stopping one boy from running into the road, pushing one back onto the pavement from the curb, making sure another one doesn't turn fun running into racing running, ensuring nobody steps in dog poo etc etc) we happen upon the bus stop. Waiting at the stop was a lady. Jonah smiled his beautiful, winning smile and waved to her. He often waves to people and says hello, so this was nothing new.

As I approached with Toby and Max in tow, Jonah shouted to me. His voice is not quiet, ever. I don't think he knows the meaning of the word quiet. Even when he is trying to speak softly, most of the rest of the street can hear him so when he shouts, I think the whole town must be able to tune in.

"MUUUUM!" He shouts, pointing at the lady. At this point, I knew something awful was going to happen and quickly racked my brain for solutions to the impending problem. My school run sloshed brain did not provide a solution quick enough however.

Continuing to smile in his disarming, cherubic way and still pointing at the lady, he hollers at me.
"HE LOOKS LIKE AN OLD GRANDMA!"

(I have to point out here that "he" is used for both the male and female of the species. However much I try to teach him that a girl is a "she", he continues to say "he".)

Toby and Max snigger loudly. The lady (who, if we are being honest, did look like an old grandma) looks slightly flustered and says "Thank you very much."

My brain, not usually up to much at the best of times, was temporarily paralysed and I quickly muttered an apology and hurried the boys on as fast as possible.

I vote for some good old Victorian family values. Keep the mouths of the children shut!

Gentleness

In attempt to curb some of the unruly and downright selfish behaviour, we have been looking at the fruit of the spirit with our boys. I will not go into enormous detail here for those who are unfamiliar, but the bible passage is:

"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control; against such things there is no law." Galatians 5 v 22 - 23

These are things that we can only grow in if we are filled with the Holy Spirit and he is running through us like sap through a tree; nourishing us and growing us. We have explained to our boys that they cannot do these things on their own, but when filled with the Spirit, he will give them power and strength.

So.... we made a tree. We stuck it to the wall. We printed out lots of different fruits, wrote bible verses on the back and stuck them to the tree. Each morning, we pick a fruit and I read out the verse. They have to guess the 'fruit' that it relates to and we have a small discussion on how we can apply it and grow in it. Then, of course, we pray.

This morning's mystery fruit was rather appropriate after a weekend full of fighting, punching, kicking and tale telling...... gentleness. It struck me that often gentleness is thought of as a weakness, particularly for men, and is portrayed as a more 'girly' trait. Is it ok for boys and men to be gentle, or does that make them wimps? Don't men have to be tough and stand up for themselves? I often hear mums who have more gentle or quiet boys wishing that their boys would be tougher or rougher.

The conclusion that we came to was that to be gentle, you need to be strong. When a little brother is screaming in your face and you want to hit him, it takes more strength to talk gently to him than it does to sneak in a punch when nobody is looking. Strength, although not confined to the male population, is however something that is celebrated in men. How many men would realise that when they are being gentle towards other they are being strong? How often is gentleness celebrated in men?

Food for thought.... Anyway, my boys all thought of something they could do today that would be gentle and of course they prayed that the Holy Spirit would give them strength to be gentle. There is no point in trying to do it all in our own strength for we will fail every time. As I teach these truths to my boys I am seeing again how much we need God to live out our daily lives. And here I go, brewing a whole new blog before I've even finished this one!

Gentleness eh? Is it a possibility for my wild, active, extremely physical boys? Of course.....

Bravery

We were sitting around a dinner table with friends, playing that classic game "Knowing Me, Knowing You" and I had to answer the question "The bravest thing I have ever done is.......". Other people, guessing what my answer might be, offered such things as "marrying Jared "(well, that was brave, I don't deny it) or "speaking to the headteacher" (on a par with the first suggestion in bravery terms I feel). Racking my tired brain for an answer, I came up with travelling to Nepal and back on my own. This was a big adventure for me at 20 years old and one that I certainly don't think I could do now.

However, after coming home at the ridiculous hour of 12:30am and clambering into bed, I began to appraise my bravery levels. Had I really not done anything more brave than travel to the other side of the world on my own? Then it hit me.

I have spent the last 9 years being brave. Every day I have stayed at home with my insanity inducing small boys, I have been brave. Each morning I have woken up exhausted to yet another day full of toddler prattle, I have been brave. Each time I was disturbed in the night by a baby, toddler or nightmaring child, I have been brave. Every time I have changed pooey pants, I have been brave. Day and night when I had a baby screaming in my face without ceasing, I was brave.

If I am honest, which of course I always am on here, there have been many many times when I have not wanted to stay here. There have been times when I have wanted to drop the washing up gloves, the nappies and the dirty washing and just walk out. There have been plenty of times when I have been tempted to abandon ship. There have been times when, tearing my hair out with the constant demands and fighting, I have felt like giving up. Sometimes, I have left the house, had a good cry in the car, and come back again.

It takes bravery to be a Mum. Speaking softly instead of shouting, takes bravery. Walking away instead of losing your temper and hurting your child, takes bravery. Staying day in, day out, when everything in you wants to leave, takes bravery.

So, what is the bravest thing I've done in my life? Without any doubt, being a Mum.

Goals, and why I don't set them.

I am married to a man who loves goals. Thrives on them. He loves making his little (or long) lists and tick boxes, and now Toby is the same.

I, however, am quite the opposite. I hate new years resolutions, and I hate the fact that people make goals at this time of year., motivated by guilt. So, here are my reasons why I don't set any new years resolutions.

1. They are often motivated by guilt, and produce guilt when not achieved.
2. I do not know anyone (but am happy to be proved wrong) who has achieved all the goals they have set in any particular year.
3. They can create legalism instead of grace-filled living.
4. Most things that we might set as our goals are unachievable in a specific time frame, and should be aimed for during the whole of our lives and not just one year - for example healthy eating.
5. I do not like lists.
6. I do not like tickboxes.
7. If you have to set goals, why not do it in March or October? Why now?
8. I do not like hearing 'motivational' people talk about how you need to aim for something or you will hit the target of nothing.
9. I am a realist.

I am not against change. I am not anti-improvement. I understand the need for accountability and for consistently aiming to be more like Jesus. I just do not like goals and new years resolutions.

There we go! I've said it now! I will not say it again, or is that a goal?!

Snow Trapped Day Ideas

The snow continues.

Last night we realised that we had spent 4 days waiting for something to happen, instead of making it happen ourselves. We were frustrated that we had not achieved anything we'd had planned for the holidays, and hadn't had any time in between refereeing to even finish a conversation.

So, ever the survivalist (and I don't think even Bear Grylls himself would survive days on end imprisoned in a house with my boys), Jared made a plan.

Today, while Jared has de-cluttered the junk room, sorry, utility room, I have attempted to keep the boys entertained. It took supreme effort of the will when all I really wanted to do is curl up with my Jodi Picoult book in front of a fire, but I gathered together all my wits and went into battle. I thought I would share some of the ideas here...... Please feel free to add to my list - I know there are alot of mothers driven to desperate measures in creativity out there!

• Jigsaw puzzle (harder with a toddler, but keeps them going for a while)
• Make biscuits - if you have more than one child wanting to 'help', you can make the dough yourself, sit them at the table and give them a 'splodge' of it to make their own designs. We made the nativity scene (sort of).
• Make a room dark, make a dark den inside it and collect together all the torches in the house. Make up stories inside the den - scary stories are really good if you tell them while holding the torch under your chin, shining up into your face.
• Get the children to make reward charts for each other and be responsible for looking out for good things and rewarding their sibllings.
• Play games - you know, the good old fashioned ones before xboxes and wiis were invented.
• Send them off to make up a play / dance / news report / song and film them performing it.
• Collect icicles, and smash them up. It is fun actually being allowed to throw something so it smashes.
• Make snowflakes (but beware of all the snipped white paper that will end up on your floor).
• Snowball fights always go down well, but I hate them (make a very important note to NEVER throw a snowball at me please), so Jared does that with them. All boys v Dad - they can't help but join in.

There are lots of Christmas craft / making activities available on the internet, but if your children are anything like mine, they will not want to sit for hours on end making things. Mine have to have spurts of energy releasing activities interspersed with the sitting down, creative times.

Come on Mums (and Dads), take a deep breath and wade into the boggy, murky waters of entertaining the children. Even if you don't feel like it, it's so much easier than sorting out fight after fight after fight after fight after fight. Then, when 4pm arrives and you need to get started on the tea, you won't feel one ounce of guilt in turning on the TV and letting them blob in front of it.

Please feel free to add your ideas..... Mothers of the snow-ridden world, we need to unite!

AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!

Snow. Snow on snow on snow. It looks magical, spreading its white glow across towns and countrysides, creating the illusion of purity.

Purity, however, is far from the thoughts of my boys who are cooped up the week before Christmas when their hyperactivity levels are at their highest. We cannot drive our car - we tried yesterday and had to be pushed back up the hill by two angelic men (well, Max thought they were angels anyway).

We have taken them out to play in the snow, built igloos, been sledging, trudged our way to the shops and had snowball fights but they still seem to have more energy than a duracell rabbit. Wearing them out seems an impossible dream. They are stuck together, doing what they do best - fighting. Unable to see their friends, they are irritating each other (and me). Each time they go outside, they come back indoors with dripping coats, hats, gloves, clothes and wellies, which are dropped in a pile all ready for me to pick up and spread across radiators.

I may sound bah humbug-esque, but I hope this snow doesn't last too long. It looks beautiful, but if I have to pick up another icy, wet glove from the floor or sort out another fight after Toby has thrown a snowball in Max's face (again), then I will be forced to get out my hairdryer and melt all the inconvenient white stuff myself.

On the plus side (and my glass is usually half empty, so it will be a squeeze for me to think of the positives), life becomes simple. We cannot make long trips, we see our friends who live nearby and we don't have to rush from one place to the next. Anyone else think of any positives? Help me out here.....

Outdoors Unlocked

Some of you will already know that my very own Bear Grylls of a husband is attempting to set up his own business promoting, teaching and training Forest School and Bushcraft skills to anyone and everyone, but particularly in schools. Today he has an interview with some people who very kindly give out money to worthwhile causes.

The trouble is, we have to convince them that it is worthwhile.

If I am honest, when he first began with his business idea I didn't think alot of it. I am married to a dreamer, who is constantly conjuring up new ideas, businesses and ways to save the world. I have heard so many of them that now I tend to ignore as much as possible, knowing that they will never come to fruition.

However, as I have helped him write funding applications and listened to his passion I have realised that this idea might actually become a reality. This isn't a business plan that will make us money, this is a business plan that will improve society. Children who have been shunned by traditional academia will have their confidence restored. Families who only spend time together when sitting in front of a screen will explore the outdoors together. Businesses who want to build teams can go back to basics with fire lighting and shelter building. Boys will be able to climb trees and scrape their knees again without being frowned upon. Girls will be able to make 'fairy dens' and collect flowers to press (I know, girls like climbing trees too... but most boys do not like building fairy dens and pressing flowers). Families will be able to forage for food for their dinner, make a fire and cook it. People, including children (sharp intake of breath required for all health and safety activists), will learn how to use axes, knives and hammers safely. The outdoors will be opened up again. The doors will be unlocked.

If you have been reading my blog for any amount of time, you will know that I find the traditional education system difficult. Jared's venture will enable us as a family to make a difference to that. My heart weeps when I hear 9, 10 and 11 year old boys talking about how they are 'no good' at reading and writing. I want to scream and shout when I read articles that report their surprise in the fact that boys lag behind girls substantially in schools. I see a great injustice in our system and I want to be part of the change, even if my part is small.

We want to open the doors and pave the way to the great, marvellous, exciting, inspiring outdoors and make it a way of life for people who have never even considered the opportunities and adventures that can be had out there. Is it worthwhile? I think so.