I wrote this short 'read aloud' version of the Christmas story last year and we used it on Christmas Day with our boys to get them thinking...
“Mary, Mary” the angel whispered. Mary looked around her and then fell backwards in fright.
“Who are you?” She whimpered.
“I am Gabriel and I have come from God's presence to you. I have brought you a message. You are going to have a baby. He will be the light of the world and his name will be Jesus.”
“Eeerm, I'm sorry Gabriel, but I am a virgin. I'm not even married! This is not possible!” offered Mary.
“The Holy Spirit will fill you, and you will become pregnant. Don't worry Mary, God has it all sorted out.”
And with that, Gabriel disappeared.
Mary rubbed her eyes and looked around her. Was that a dream or had it really happened? All she knew was that she was filled with joy, wonder, love and awe.
Close your eyes and imagine the scene.
The donkey brayed,
The cows pooed,
The goats watched curiously through the slits of their eyes.
Into this dirty, straw filled shed a baby was born.
His mother, frightened and with only her husband to help, pushed the baby out with a grunt and a scream and King Jesus, naked and covered in blood and dirt, cried his first cry.
Long awaited and long promised, the King had finally come. Was this King to enter a palace, with gold robes and a jewel encrusted throne? Was he given a baby-sized crown to fit his tiny head?
No, he was wrapped up in the cleanest scrap of material his mother could find and he was put to sleep in a feeding trough, with straw for a mattress.
His people had longed for him to come more than we long for presents. They had waited hundreds of years, sometimes wondering if their God was really going to fulfil his promise or not.
The first to visit this tiny baby were not important dignitaries, not the prime minister, not the richest in the country. The first to visit were the poorest of the poor – the shepherds. Despised by others, they had nothing to bring but themselves. Did Jesus want extravagant gifts? No, he wanted their hearts.
The shepherds knelt in the smelly shed and kissed the feet of their new King. They worshipped him and gave him their hearts. They were his first followers, the first Christians.
What do we have to bring to King Jesus? How much do we long for him to come and be our Saviour? How can we worship him? How can we show him we want to follow him, love him and give him our hearts?
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Wednesday, 14 December 2011
Realistic Rest
We're all feeling it. "End of term-itis" mixed with the dark evenings and pitch black 'middle of the night' mornings produces feelings of weariness and fatigue. This term has been a long, drawn out one, and now the end is in sight we are all longing for it (even though, on the first day of the holidays I'll be wishing they were back at school). The boys are exhausted and we are having to wake them all up every morning (apart from weekends, when they are as sprightly as the duracell rabbit at 6:30am). They are swinging on a pendulum of extreme grumpiness to extreme hype and hysterical giggling. Even if they can carry on like this, I can't. I cannot bear the walking on eggshells and the screams and cries everytime I leave them on their own in a room together. We are ready for some time off.
It has got me thinking though. Reading the bible with the boys a few days ago, we came across the ten commandments. Oh yes, call me old fashioned, but actually they made alot of sense. To our detriment, our society has slowly and quietly pushed to the side the good things that God introduced, thinking in our 'wisdom' that we could do things better.
Instead, we have produced a culture which doesn't know how to rest. Of course, you can book into a spa for a day, or have a relaxing holiday once a year. By the time we reach that stage, we are always burnt out, exhausted and ready to crumple in a heap. This isn't real rest, this is desperate rest. God's idea was to put rest into our weekly diary, so that we don't actually reach the exhaustion stage. A whole day, each week, where we don't do any work? How can we realistically manage this in our 24 hour society with our children who need constant entertainment, our homes that need constant updating, our emails which require constant reading and our jobs which can take over time at home as well as time at work? I don't have any clever answers, I just know we need it.
Is it possible to have a whole day each week where we live simply? Although this was the historical day, Sundays are no longer sacred with shops closed and families together. Perhaps another day of the week is a better day. Church leaders often choose Mondays for their days of rest, scheduling church activities on Saturdays and forgetting that this is often the day of rest for people who work on weekdays. How do we say 'no' to such honourable activities without feeling that 'rest' is not a good enough excuse? The ideal lifestyle seems to be one that is as packed and busy as possible.
However, this was not God's intention. He wants us to rest. He wants us to schedule rest into our diaries. Not just a 'once in a while' occurance, but every week. He doesn't endorse burn out. He doesn't clap his hands in admiration when we have filled every moment of our diaries with 'good, healthy activities'. He wants us to enjoy guilt-free rest.
As I think about the new year, I am pondering how to put this into my diary. How, with three active boys, do I find a whole day each week in which to rest as a family? How can we make that day more simple? Do we eat more simply on that day? Can I manage not to do any jobs around the house? Will we play games together, go for walks in the country and relax together? For each family, this will look different. But I am becoming more firmly convinced of the necessity and as our lives become even more busy in the year ahead with our new business, we will need to make the time to rest a priority. After all, it's God's idea, not mine.
It has got me thinking though. Reading the bible with the boys a few days ago, we came across the ten commandments. Oh yes, call me old fashioned, but actually they made alot of sense. To our detriment, our society has slowly and quietly pushed to the side the good things that God introduced, thinking in our 'wisdom' that we could do things better.
Instead, we have produced a culture which doesn't know how to rest. Of course, you can book into a spa for a day, or have a relaxing holiday once a year. By the time we reach that stage, we are always burnt out, exhausted and ready to crumple in a heap. This isn't real rest, this is desperate rest. God's idea was to put rest into our weekly diary, so that we don't actually reach the exhaustion stage. A whole day, each week, where we don't do any work? How can we realistically manage this in our 24 hour society with our children who need constant entertainment, our homes that need constant updating, our emails which require constant reading and our jobs which can take over time at home as well as time at work? I don't have any clever answers, I just know we need it.
Is it possible to have a whole day each week where we live simply? Although this was the historical day, Sundays are no longer sacred with shops closed and families together. Perhaps another day of the week is a better day. Church leaders often choose Mondays for their days of rest, scheduling church activities on Saturdays and forgetting that this is often the day of rest for people who work on weekdays. How do we say 'no' to such honourable activities without feeling that 'rest' is not a good enough excuse? The ideal lifestyle seems to be one that is as packed and busy as possible.
However, this was not God's intention. He wants us to rest. He wants us to schedule rest into our diaries. Not just a 'once in a while' occurance, but every week. He doesn't endorse burn out. He doesn't clap his hands in admiration when we have filled every moment of our diaries with 'good, healthy activities'. He wants us to enjoy guilt-free rest.
As I think about the new year, I am pondering how to put this into my diary. How, with three active boys, do I find a whole day each week in which to rest as a family? How can we make that day more simple? Do we eat more simply on that day? Can I manage not to do any jobs around the house? Will we play games together, go for walks in the country and relax together? For each family, this will look different. But I am becoming more firmly convinced of the necessity and as our lives become even more busy in the year ahead with our new business, we will need to make the time to rest a priority. After all, it's God's idea, not mine.
Friday, 2 December 2011
Friday Failures
Today has been one of those 'bad mother' days again. We all have them, sometimes more often than we would like! Here are some of my failures to make you giggle, sympathise or both....
1. I tried to be a good mother, I really did, and made Max an Egyptian Costume for his Egyptian Day today. Unfortunately, my excitement probably pushed him into wearing more than he would have liked, and he ended up crying because he thought he looked like a girl (it was the heavy eyeliner that did it). When he refused to get out of the car and into school, I bribed him with sweets.
2. On the first very cold day of the winter, Max (underneath the Egyptian costume, which was just a sheet) was wearing shorts and t shirt. I forgot to give him a hat or gloves. Jonah did not have his coat done up, and I don't even know what kind of coat / hat / glove combination Toby might have been wearing because I didn't see him leave for school. (I was too busy putting eyeliner on Max).
3. When I collected Jonah from Nursery, we came home and I strongly encouraged him to watch the television so I could sit down. Once he was bored of the television, he asked me of he could play Angry Birds on my phone (should a 4 year old even know that you can play Angry Birds on a phone?).
Jonah: (Polite voice) Can I play Angry Birds on your phone?
Me: (Heavy sigh, knowing that I am going to give in...) No, not today.
Jonah: (Rude voice, bordering on the edge of a tantrum, knowing that one more will push me over the brink of giving in) Can I play Angry Birds on your phone?
Me: (Even heavier sigh, knowing I have given in) Yes, ok.
I didn't even attempt a battle.
4. After playing Angry Birds for longer than he should have been, I found a cardboard box and attempted to drag myself into good mother mode by suggesting that he cut it up and make something with it. He was enamoured with that idea, but not with the fact that while he was trying to make Buzz Lightyear from a cardboard box, I was sitting in the other room checking facebook.
5. The Buzz Lightyear making went wrong and he asked me to help him. When I didn't help him straight away, he lay on the floor kicking his legs and screaming at me. Instead of calmly putting down the computer and helping him with Buzz's wings, I lay on the floor next to him and pretended to have a tantrum. It didn't help. He screamed louder, kicked harder and rolled further away from me.
6. To distract us both from eventual murder, I suggested we feed the chickens. Getting on our wellies ( Actually, I wore my wellies and he refused to wear his. Another battle I could not bring myself to fight), we tramped down to the end of the garden. Feeding the chickens could have been a lovely educational moment. It was, however, far too cold to attempt anything educational so we threw the food in and then I enticed him back indoors with the promise of watching Curious George.
7. I am about to collect Max from school. He will be walking home in shorts and a t shirt, on the coldest day of the winter so far.
Now, if that's not a list of bad mother crimes, I don't know what is!
1. I tried to be a good mother, I really did, and made Max an Egyptian Costume for his Egyptian Day today. Unfortunately, my excitement probably pushed him into wearing more than he would have liked, and he ended up crying because he thought he looked like a girl (it was the heavy eyeliner that did it). When he refused to get out of the car and into school, I bribed him with sweets.
2. On the first very cold day of the winter, Max (underneath the Egyptian costume, which was just a sheet) was wearing shorts and t shirt. I forgot to give him a hat or gloves. Jonah did not have his coat done up, and I don't even know what kind of coat / hat / glove combination Toby might have been wearing because I didn't see him leave for school. (I was too busy putting eyeliner on Max).
3. When I collected Jonah from Nursery, we came home and I strongly encouraged him to watch the television so I could sit down. Once he was bored of the television, he asked me of he could play Angry Birds on my phone (should a 4 year old even know that you can play Angry Birds on a phone?).
Jonah: (Polite voice) Can I play Angry Birds on your phone?
Me: (Heavy sigh, knowing that I am going to give in...) No, not today.
Jonah: (Rude voice, bordering on the edge of a tantrum, knowing that one more will push me over the brink of giving in) Can I play Angry Birds on your phone?
Me: (Even heavier sigh, knowing I have given in) Yes, ok.
I didn't even attempt a battle.
4. After playing Angry Birds for longer than he should have been, I found a cardboard box and attempted to drag myself into good mother mode by suggesting that he cut it up and make something with it. He was enamoured with that idea, but not with the fact that while he was trying to make Buzz Lightyear from a cardboard box, I was sitting in the other room checking facebook.
5. The Buzz Lightyear making went wrong and he asked me to help him. When I didn't help him straight away, he lay on the floor kicking his legs and screaming at me. Instead of calmly putting down the computer and helping him with Buzz's wings, I lay on the floor next to him and pretended to have a tantrum. It didn't help. He screamed louder, kicked harder and rolled further away from me.
6. To distract us both from eventual murder, I suggested we feed the chickens. Getting on our wellies ( Actually, I wore my wellies and he refused to wear his. Another battle I could not bring myself to fight), we tramped down to the end of the garden. Feeding the chickens could have been a lovely educational moment. It was, however, far too cold to attempt anything educational so we threw the food in and then I enticed him back indoors with the promise of watching Curious George.
7. I am about to collect Max from school. He will be walking home in shorts and a t shirt, on the coldest day of the winter so far.
Now, if that's not a list of bad mother crimes, I don't know what is!
Thursday, 1 December 2011
Strikes, Pensions and Wildflowers.
Wow. What an interesting week this has been. Whilst half the population of the UK were fighting the injustices of the latest government cuts, the other half were worrying about their own futures. Mostly, I have refrained from unleashing my opinions about it all. However, I would like to throw one more, perhaps rather outlandish in today's culture, ingredient into the mix.
"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
In our society that is steeped in looking out for 'number one', we rely on ourselves and our flawed, human governments and societies instead of looking to the Number One for all our needs. My hope for this time in my life and for my future, pension or no pension, is in my God who can and will provide for all my needs. Instead of shouting out about the rights and wrongs of the current and increasing cuts, lets model to our children a faith in God that is unwavering and surpasses all the difficulties of financial instability. We know the One who will give us stability. This is a perfect opportunity for those of us who follow God to live a radically different lifestyle, and by doing so we will be instilling in our children one of the most important life lessons they will ever learn - dependence on the One who promises to not just provide for and sustain them but to do more than they could ask for or imagine.
"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.
Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.
If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."
In our society that is steeped in looking out for 'number one', we rely on ourselves and our flawed, human governments and societies instead of looking to the Number One for all our needs. My hope for this time in my life and for my future, pension or no pension, is in my God who can and will provide for all my needs. Instead of shouting out about the rights and wrongs of the current and increasing cuts, lets model to our children a faith in God that is unwavering and surpasses all the difficulties of financial instability. We know the One who will give us stability. This is a perfect opportunity for those of us who follow God to live a radically different lifestyle, and by doing so we will be instilling in our children one of the most important life lessons they will ever learn - dependence on the One who promises to not just provide for and sustain them but to do more than they could ask for or imagine.
Thursday, 24 November 2011
How to Organise the Un-organisable Child
My middle son, Max, actually does live on another planet. If you asked him about it, he would go into great detail about the culture, language, food and inhabitants of planet Flot. At 7 years old, he sometimes comes back to earth with a bump but usually his brain is on a far higher plane than whether he has remembered to put his jumper on the right way round or not. Not that we are supposed to compare our children, but he has come as somewhat of a shock to me having had Toby, my eldest son, who loves order and relishes activities such as classifying books. Toby's bedroom would pass the extreme regulations of a yelling Sergeant Major, Max's bedroom is an array of clutter.
And so before I can train him to do his own washing or cook the tea, I have to begin to teach him about order and organisation. Leaving home and fending for himself feels like a distant, almost impossible dream. However, slowly but surely we are getting there. I have had many failures so far in teaching him to be organised. Not only is he in a dream world, he is also very stubborn. The two qualities do not help each other out at all. Below I will outline some of my failures and some of my successes and if you have a delicious daydreamer of a child like mine, you can either try out some of the tips yourself or simply know that you are not alone in your frustrations.
Getting Dressed
Although at 7, Max is perfectly capable of dressing himself (and miraculously manages to at weekends), on a bleary eyed school morning this is a difficult task. I have long given up expecting him to find his own clothes from his drawers. Instead, we get his clothes out for the next day the night before and in the morning I pass them to him piece by piece until he has them all on. Sometimes I wonder if he really should have been born into a different era and have his own personal Valet, but I carry on with my task because it gets us out of the door in time for school.
Remembering to Bring Everything Home From School
I have finally had some success with this recently. I set him a challenge (he relishes a challenge) and he exceeded my expectations. After spending the first 2 months of last term sending him back into the classroom to collect his reading book, coat, lunch, letters etc etc, I told him that if he remembered everything every day for a week I would let him stay up later on Friday night. He managed to remember, and even though the challenge has passed, he is still mostly managing to remember.
Remembering to Change His Reading Book
This, along with remembering to give letters to the teacher, hand in homework and anything else he has to do in school without me, has been a tricky one. If I am not there to remind him, he has to do it all himself. I have started to remind him several times on the way to school and not only say it myself, but ask him to repeat what I have said. Here is a typical conversation we might have:
Me: "Max, you've got 2 things to remember today, do you think you can do it?"
Max: "Of course! What are they?"
Me: "You need to change your reading book and you need to give the slip about the trip to the teacher."
Max: "Ok."
Me: "So, what do you need to do?"
Max "I need to change my reading book and I need to give the slip about the trip to the teacher."
This has varying results depending on his mood, but I have found it to be the most helpful so far.
Jobs Around the House
I have to admit that I have avoided these until recently. The battle was just far too great. Unfortunately Toby (rightly) complained that he had loads of jobs and Max didn't have any so I was caught out. We sat all three boys down and had a 'family talk' about all the jobs that need doing in our house, and how mostly I do them all. We talked about working together as a team to get those things done and then we discussed appropriate jobs for each child. We discussed the consequences of not doing those jobs and amazingly, they all seemed to be quite happy to help. Obviously each child is different, but these are the jobs Max is expected to do:
Put his clothes away in his drawers after they have been washed (often they are found scrumpled up into a drawer or he steps on them blindly on his way to bed).
Take it in turns (with Toby) to clear the table and load the dishwasher after tea.
After school, empty his lunchbox and put it by the sink.
Put his dirty washing in the washing basket.
Tidy and hoover his bedroom (ha ha ha ha, need I say more?!)
Mostly, he does them. Often, he needs a gentle reminder. Sometimes, he doesn't do them at all.
More than anything else, the most important factor in teaching him to be more organised has been to praise his efforts, even when they haven't been quite up to my standards. Instead of laughing at his lovely little ways of keeping his head high up in the clouds (although it is something that I love about him very much), I have begun to tell him that he is becoming an organised person. I have praised him for remembering to clean his teeth without being asked. I have told him what a great job he has done of emptying his lunch box every day of the week. I have celebrated with him when he has looked which way round his trousers go on instead of just pulling them on whichever way they arrive in his hand. I have given him a new label of 'organised' and he has risen to it. He has even, dare I say it, enjoyed his organisation on occasion.
So, don't despair. If your child is otherworldly (and you will know what I mean if they are), there is hope. Even if our children will always remain half on our planet and half off, we can still train them to be practical and to organise themselves. I hope.
And so before I can train him to do his own washing or cook the tea, I have to begin to teach him about order and organisation. Leaving home and fending for himself feels like a distant, almost impossible dream. However, slowly but surely we are getting there. I have had many failures so far in teaching him to be organised. Not only is he in a dream world, he is also very stubborn. The two qualities do not help each other out at all. Below I will outline some of my failures and some of my successes and if you have a delicious daydreamer of a child like mine, you can either try out some of the tips yourself or simply know that you are not alone in your frustrations.
Getting Dressed
Although at 7, Max is perfectly capable of dressing himself (and miraculously manages to at weekends), on a bleary eyed school morning this is a difficult task. I have long given up expecting him to find his own clothes from his drawers. Instead, we get his clothes out for the next day the night before and in the morning I pass them to him piece by piece until he has them all on. Sometimes I wonder if he really should have been born into a different era and have his own personal Valet, but I carry on with my task because it gets us out of the door in time for school.
Remembering to Bring Everything Home From School
I have finally had some success with this recently. I set him a challenge (he relishes a challenge) and he exceeded my expectations. After spending the first 2 months of last term sending him back into the classroom to collect his reading book, coat, lunch, letters etc etc, I told him that if he remembered everything every day for a week I would let him stay up later on Friday night. He managed to remember, and even though the challenge has passed, he is still mostly managing to remember.
Remembering to Change His Reading Book
This, along with remembering to give letters to the teacher, hand in homework and anything else he has to do in school without me, has been a tricky one. If I am not there to remind him, he has to do it all himself. I have started to remind him several times on the way to school and not only say it myself, but ask him to repeat what I have said. Here is a typical conversation we might have:
Me: "Max, you've got 2 things to remember today, do you think you can do it?"
Max: "Of course! What are they?"
Me: "You need to change your reading book and you need to give the slip about the trip to the teacher."
Max: "Ok."
Me: "So, what do you need to do?"
Max "I need to change my reading book and I need to give the slip about the trip to the teacher."
This has varying results depending on his mood, but I have found it to be the most helpful so far.
Jobs Around the House
I have to admit that I have avoided these until recently. The battle was just far too great. Unfortunately Toby (rightly) complained that he had loads of jobs and Max didn't have any so I was caught out. We sat all three boys down and had a 'family talk' about all the jobs that need doing in our house, and how mostly I do them all. We talked about working together as a team to get those things done and then we discussed appropriate jobs for each child. We discussed the consequences of not doing those jobs and amazingly, they all seemed to be quite happy to help. Obviously each child is different, but these are the jobs Max is expected to do:
Put his clothes away in his drawers after they have been washed (often they are found scrumpled up into a drawer or he steps on them blindly on his way to bed).
Take it in turns (with Toby) to clear the table and load the dishwasher after tea.
After school, empty his lunchbox and put it by the sink.
Put his dirty washing in the washing basket.
Tidy and hoover his bedroom (ha ha ha ha, need I say more?!)
Mostly, he does them. Often, he needs a gentle reminder. Sometimes, he doesn't do them at all.
More than anything else, the most important factor in teaching him to be more organised has been to praise his efforts, even when they haven't been quite up to my standards. Instead of laughing at his lovely little ways of keeping his head high up in the clouds (although it is something that I love about him very much), I have begun to tell him that he is becoming an organised person. I have praised him for remembering to clean his teeth without being asked. I have told him what a great job he has done of emptying his lunch box every day of the week. I have celebrated with him when he has looked which way round his trousers go on instead of just pulling them on whichever way they arrive in his hand. I have given him a new label of 'organised' and he has risen to it. He has even, dare I say it, enjoyed his organisation on occasion.
So, don't despair. If your child is otherworldly (and you will know what I mean if they are), there is hope. Even if our children will always remain half on our planet and half off, we can still train them to be practical and to organise themselves. I hope.
Sunday, 20 November 2011
Loving your Daughters-in-Law (before you've even met them)
I have 3 boys. No girls, just boys. My home is littered with plastic soldiers, drumkits, lego and dinosaurs. We have no Disney Princess dvd's but a plethora of Star Wars, X Men, Peter Pan and (my personal favourite) Inspector Gadget. Camo clothes cover my radiators and (the perfect phrase coined by the mother in Outnumbered) a wee tsunami covers my bathroom floor. We don't eat pretty pink cupcakes, but pies, meat and hearty stews are the fare in our family. We 'ooh' and 'aah' at the cars on Top Gear, but Strictly Come Dancing cannot be tolerated. Burps and worse are part of our mealtime conversations and armpit farts (and even knee, elbow and other body part farts) have to be limited to only a few minutes per day or nothing else would be accomplished.
But one day, my time will come and I will (hopefully) have some daughters-in-law. Ever one to imagine the future, I look forward to the day that I will not be the only girl in the house. Sometimes, desperately clawing onto my female identity, I feel like an honorary boy. I also look forward to presenting my boys to the world, ready for their lives without the supervision of a mother (no 'Young, Dumb and Living off Mum' in our family). Unfortunately they will not wake up suddenly willing and able to look after themselves and others. There is no point waiting for them to be ready - all they time they are being served by a loving Mother who will pick up their dirty pants from the floor, they will not be ready. No, they need training.
And this is where I have my daughers-in-law in mind. I married a man who could cook, clean and iron. (I can barely bring myself to admit that actually he is better than me at it). When I hear other women moaning about their husbands, I am extremely grateful to my mother-in-law for teaching him those basic skills. It has meant that we have shared the load and when I have had small babies, or been ill, he has been able to keep the house running smoothly.
To get myself off to a head start with the relationship with my daughters-in-law, I need to get training my boys. It occurred to me that if they can use all their new fangled electronic devices, then why can they not work the washing machine? If they can organise themselves at school (ok, not all of them can - some of them need training in that too, and I have one of those!), why can they not organise themselves at home? If they can follow a timetable, why can they not follow a recipe? If they love working as a team to accomplish a goal, why not train them to work as a family team to achieve a house than runs well?
Training them to cook, clean and do their washing teaches them so much more than just how to do the job. It teaches them about teamwork; it teaches them about discipline and getting on with the job even when you don't feel like it; it helps them to appreciate what others do for them; it gives them organisational skills and teaches them responsibility; it teaches them about consequences (yes, really, if Toby forgets to wash his school uniform, I will not be doing it for him).
The temptation is to do it all ourselves because it is just so much quicker, easier and avoids the inevitable battle. And oh, how I know that tempation - especially with one certain, eccentric, highly disorganised middle son. We must look ahead though. If we always give in to this temptation (and sometimes I certainly do!) we will produce sons who not only do not know how to do anything for themselves, but expect others to do it for them. Instead of offering to make a cup of tea, they will plonk themselves on the sofa and holler for you to make one for them. Dirty pants and socks will litter the floor because you have always picked them up and washed them. We will produce heart-warming meals that they will gulp down and rush off to their next important activity, leaving the table cluttered with dishes for us to clear. We will not be giving away our sons as men in marriage, ready to cherish, protect and love their wives, we will be passing on children for someone else to look after.
We need to love our future daughter-in-laws by training our boys. You never know, my training might work and one day my bathroom floor might be dry.
But one day, my time will come and I will (hopefully) have some daughters-in-law. Ever one to imagine the future, I look forward to the day that I will not be the only girl in the house. Sometimes, desperately clawing onto my female identity, I feel like an honorary boy. I also look forward to presenting my boys to the world, ready for their lives without the supervision of a mother (no 'Young, Dumb and Living off Mum' in our family). Unfortunately they will not wake up suddenly willing and able to look after themselves and others. There is no point waiting for them to be ready - all they time they are being served by a loving Mother who will pick up their dirty pants from the floor, they will not be ready. No, they need training.
And this is where I have my daughers-in-law in mind. I married a man who could cook, clean and iron. (I can barely bring myself to admit that actually he is better than me at it). When I hear other women moaning about their husbands, I am extremely grateful to my mother-in-law for teaching him those basic skills. It has meant that we have shared the load and when I have had small babies, or been ill, he has been able to keep the house running smoothly.
To get myself off to a head start with the relationship with my daughters-in-law, I need to get training my boys. It occurred to me that if they can use all their new fangled electronic devices, then why can they not work the washing machine? If they can organise themselves at school (ok, not all of them can - some of them need training in that too, and I have one of those!), why can they not organise themselves at home? If they can follow a timetable, why can they not follow a recipe? If they love working as a team to accomplish a goal, why not train them to work as a family team to achieve a house than runs well?
Training them to cook, clean and do their washing teaches them so much more than just how to do the job. It teaches them about teamwork; it teaches them about discipline and getting on with the job even when you don't feel like it; it helps them to appreciate what others do for them; it gives them organisational skills and teaches them responsibility; it teaches them about consequences (yes, really, if Toby forgets to wash his school uniform, I will not be doing it for him).
The temptation is to do it all ourselves because it is just so much quicker, easier and avoids the inevitable battle. And oh, how I know that tempation - especially with one certain, eccentric, highly disorganised middle son. We must look ahead though. If we always give in to this temptation (and sometimes I certainly do!) we will produce sons who not only do not know how to do anything for themselves, but expect others to do it for them. Instead of offering to make a cup of tea, they will plonk themselves on the sofa and holler for you to make one for them. Dirty pants and socks will litter the floor because you have always picked them up and washed them. We will produce heart-warming meals that they will gulp down and rush off to their next important activity, leaving the table cluttered with dishes for us to clear. We will not be giving away our sons as men in marriage, ready to cherish, protect and love their wives, we will be passing on children for someone else to look after.
We need to love our future daughter-in-laws by training our boys. You never know, my training might work and one day my bathroom floor might be dry.
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Upside Down World
In our blame-ridden, compensation-driven culture, it is hard to teach our children (and even ourselves) to take responsibility for their own actions. This week our family have been thinking about this very wise saying:
"Do for other people the same things you want them to do for you."
It is, of course, more fun if you say it in a Yoda voice but the original version was by Jesus.
So often we are all too quick to point out other people's faults. "He hit me first!", is the usual cry in my house. Always willing to overlook our own part in the proceedings, we concentrate on what others are doing. We pick at their misconduct and sometimes even exploit it for our own good. This saying, however, turns all of that upside down.
First and foremost, our responsiblity is to ensure we are living right, whether that is starting a fight (and oh, how many of those are started in my house each day) or ensuring we are showing kindness to those who we might not feel naturally inclined to show kindness to. It should be our concern how we are behaving. Instead of poking our nose into other people's business, we might do better if we took a good long sniff of ourselves, and then be prepared to make the changes necessary.
If we all lived by this saying, just this saying, our world would be turned upside down too. Kindness, generosity and love might actually prevail over selfishness and pride. No longer would there be silly health and safety laws about children not being allowed to jump in leaves or skid on the ice in the school playground (just in case parents take court action). Poverty would be eased as riches were shared around. My boys might actually go one whole day without fighting (a major feat).
Is this possible in our egocentric culture? Can we really take responsibilty for ourselves? Or has our culture just gone too far away from this now?
"Do for other people the same things you want them to do for you."
It is, of course, more fun if you say it in a Yoda voice but the original version was by Jesus.
So often we are all too quick to point out other people's faults. "He hit me first!", is the usual cry in my house. Always willing to overlook our own part in the proceedings, we concentrate on what others are doing. We pick at their misconduct and sometimes even exploit it for our own good. This saying, however, turns all of that upside down.
First and foremost, our responsiblity is to ensure we are living right, whether that is starting a fight (and oh, how many of those are started in my house each day) or ensuring we are showing kindness to those who we might not feel naturally inclined to show kindness to. It should be our concern how we are behaving. Instead of poking our nose into other people's business, we might do better if we took a good long sniff of ourselves, and then be prepared to make the changes necessary.
If we all lived by this saying, just this saying, our world would be turned upside down too. Kindness, generosity and love might actually prevail over selfishness and pride. No longer would there be silly health and safety laws about children not being allowed to jump in leaves or skid on the ice in the school playground (just in case parents take court action). Poverty would be eased as riches were shared around. My boys might actually go one whole day without fighting (a major feat).
Is this possible in our egocentric culture? Can we really take responsibilty for ourselves? Or has our culture just gone too far away from this now?
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