So here I find myself at the end of a busy week setting this blog up so that others can join with me in my passionate quest for releasing boys to be boys. Its best if I explain myself a bit.... I have 3 boys who, from almost the moment they were born, are not content with lying or sitting still and quiet. Some have described them as boisterous, others as 'full of life' (is that a compliment or a criticism?). I would describe them as exhausting, loud, physical, loving and full of passion.
I have spent a long time worrying if there was something wrong with my boys, and googling adhd and other things, to try and find answers to why my boys seem to be bursting out of their skins. I have sometimes been shocked at their behaviour ( for example, holding frogs upside down to measure how long they are) and other times watched in total amazement as they have stood for literally hours throwing stones into water. As a mum, and therefore the dreaded 'girl', I do not understand in any way why it is fun to dig holes in mud or climb a tree only to get stuck.
So.... as parents we have embarked on a journey which goes against the grain and have decided to let our boys enjoy their boyhood (with hopefully some safety that they don't realise is there) and are trying to understand why they do what they do, and how we can help them to grow into men who are free to express who they are.
The reason I feel this goes against the grain in our society is because boys are generally expected to behave like girls. A mild example.....Sometimes I feel embarrassed because my boys are the ones running down the high street chasing the pigeons, while the lovely little girls who enjoy shopping with their mums walk serenely next to her, perhaps pointing at a beautiful dress in a shop window. Shops? I don't think my boys even realise there are any shops there.... its just a wide open space with pigeons to chase (people and shops just get in the way!). That is of course an amusing example but there are many serious ways in which our society is failing boys - education being a main one. The result is boys who lag behind and get into trouble in schools because they are bored, ignored or not given an opportunity to learn in a way that suits them; and ultimately men who are frustrated and feel like they are failing. I do not want this for my boys.
I am learning (the hard way) how to help my boys, how to socialise them, how to let them express themselves and how to encourage them to grow and develop in the way they were supposed to. If you have boys, or you teach boys, or you are a grandparent of boys, please join me and we can learn together to let our boys be real boys. Lets not fail them.
4 comments:
Great blog - really useful information!
OMG H - I could be writing this! W started school a couple of weeks ago and we have already had to have words with his teacher. Has he been naughty? NO!!! Apparently he is boisterous, full of life and wants to be involved in everything. This appears to be a problem as there are only 6 boys and 24 girls in his class and they seem to want to dampen his enthusiasm to fall in line with the girls. We are furious! We could understand if he was naughty but his crimes include being friends with everyone, having singing shows and starting games of football up at breaktime (far to rough with so many girls around it seems). I worry so much as even the headteacher has been talking about W being an exceptionally bright child since she met him at an information day 6 months ago... but what happens if this is not encouraged because they are to busy worrying that he may be being to much of a boy?!?
Ha ha if they think he is bad wait till Z starts as well... he is also v v good but is so much like a boy that he makes W look like a flower fairy!
Will be reading your blog with great interest
N & N x
Well said that girl! I have one son who is not quite so "Lively" as yours may be, but I have a daughter who refuses to conform to the behaviour that is expected of a "young lady!" She is a tomboy in every sense of the word, she's done the digging in mud thing and the tree climbing (so does her mum0 and she also chses the pigeons in the town centre. At the end of the day children are all indvidual and should be allowed to express themselves for the person they are. Good luck with this, I am behind you wholeheartedly!
I have two boys, both quite different one calmer and thoughtful and another who is proving to be a bit more feisty but both gorgeous. I look forward to following this blog and am sure we can all learn from each other how to bring out the best in our boys and enjoy all their differences.
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