Bravery

We were sitting around a dinner table with friends, playing that classic game "Knowing Me, Knowing You" and I had to answer the question "The bravest thing I have ever done is.......". Other people, guessing what my answer might be, offered such things as "marrying Jared "(well, that was brave, I don't deny it) or "speaking to the headteacher" (on a par with the first suggestion in bravery terms I feel). Racking my tired brain for an answer, I came up with travelling to Nepal and back on my own. This was a big adventure for me at 20 years old and one that I certainly don't think I could do now.

However, after coming home at the ridiculous hour of 12:30am and clambering into bed, I began to appraise my bravery levels. Had I really not done anything more brave than travel to the other side of the world on my own? Then it hit me.

I have spent the last 9 years being brave. Every day I have stayed at home with my insanity inducing small boys, I have been brave. Each morning I have woken up exhausted to yet another day full of toddler prattle, I have been brave. Each time I was disturbed in the night by a baby, toddler or nightmaring child, I have been brave. Every time I have changed pooey pants, I have been brave. Day and night when I had a baby screaming in my face without ceasing, I was brave.

If I am honest, which of course I always am on here, there have been many many times when I have not wanted to stay here. There have been times when I have wanted to drop the washing up gloves, the nappies and the dirty washing and just walk out. There have been plenty of times when I have been tempted to abandon ship. There have been times when, tearing my hair out with the constant demands and fighting, I have felt like giving up. Sometimes, I have left the house, had a good cry in the car, and come back again.

It takes bravery to be a Mum. Speaking softly instead of shouting, takes bravery. Walking away instead of losing your temper and hurting your child, takes bravery. Staying day in, day out, when everything in you wants to leave, takes bravery.

So, what is the bravest thing I've done in my life? Without any doubt, being a Mum.