The umbilical cord has been snipped again this weekend with Max's first overnight trip away with his school. Watching him sitting on the coach, face flushed with excitement, I feel proud and terrified all at the same time.
Proud that my boy is confident. Proud that is he capable. Proud that he has a huge smile on his face and has not even noticed the fact that I am standing in a deluge of rain, waving at him and blowing embarrassing mummy kisses. Proud that he is full of adventure and excitement. Proud that he is growing in his decision making. Proud that I can (just about) trust him to behave well and do as he is told.
Terrified that he is sitting on a coach and I cannot tell the driver to drive carefully because my precious boy is in his hands. Terrified that I will not know who he will be sharing a room with. Terrified that I will not know what he will be eating for his tea. Terrified that I will not know what he is doing, every moment of his time away. Terrified that I may not have prepared him for decision making adequately. Terrified that he might not know exactly how much I love him.
And so another step in the letting go process occurs. While my heart is being torn once again, his heart is experiencing a new freedom. I let my baby go, and he grows up that little bit more. Ouch.
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