Dear Will and Kate,
Congratulations! You've had a precious son!
From one Mum of boys to another, here are my tips as you begin your exciting journey.
1. Boys do not understand hints. If you want your son to do something, you must tell him straight out.
2. Prepare yourself for bodily-function humour. I mean seriously prepare. Little boys (and big ones for that matter) will laugh at things that girls just do not find funny.
3. Your prince will need some fighting. Boys are very active and they need to play-fight to learn how to be sociable with others. A bit of Daddy-wrestling works wonders.
4. I'm not sure on the etiquette for royal princes, but however much you try to avoid the 'gun thing', you will not win. He will make guns out of toast crusts, Lego, sticks and even various body-parts (see point 2).
5. If you do not know already, learn about Star Wars quick. You will be required to light sabre your way through life, speak like Yoda and use 'the force' to open automatic doors pretty soon.
6. Competition is important. As is 'macho pride'. If your son is ever refusing to be obedient you should use phrases such as 'I bet you can't climb out of the bath before I count to 10' and 'Let's have a race to put our shoes on'. Simple but effective psychology. Works every time.
7. Cuddle your boy. He needs to learn about emotions from his Mummy. Even when he reaches the age where cuddles are not so appreciated, keep cuddling.
8. Let your prince get muddy. Enjoy his bruised legs. Allow him to take risks as he grows up. Give him freedom to climb trees, build dens and catch spiders.
9. When your son brings you flowers in a plastic cup form the garden, be enthusiastic. He's practising on you.
10. You might well have a cleaner, but once you have begun potty training, never ever expect your bathroom to be the same again. Always check the seat before you sit down.
Enjoy your boy. Like all our boys, he is very precious.
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