Mum, I think some people turn their children into gods.
It hit me like a nerf bullet in the stomach.
Questioning a future that was entirely different to the one I had expected, including a possible move to another nation at the 'wrong time' in our boys' education, I realised that perhaps I was doing exactly that.
This particular (middle) son is also known in our house for his 'not now' phrase.
"Max, go and clean you teeth."
"Not now."
"Max, empty the bins please."
"Not now."
"Max, time for a shower."
"Not now."
You get the drift.
And in my "not now" of disobedience I had put my boys before God. I had put their (perceived by me) needs before my obedience to the One who knows their needs so much better than me.
"Not now God," I had said " Toby is a teenager!"
"Not now God, Jonah is settled in his school!"
"Not now God, Max is difficult enough to cope with in this country let alone another one!"
"Not now God, Toby wants to go to his end of year prom!"
And in my disobedience, I had made my children my gods.
Opening my Bible, I read about another young man, Daniel. Taken from his home and his culture, Daniel ended up in the courts of the Babylonian King. Despite the pressures to conform, Daniel resolved in his heart that he wouldn't 'defile himself' by eating food that was unclean and he decided to just eat vegetables instead of all the rich foods offered to him. Explaining this to the palace official was not easy. The official argued that Daniel would be under nourished and far worse off on this restricted diet.
So, Daniel made a deal with him and he was able to try this diet for ten days. Of course, after ten days he was far more healthy and better nourished than the other men in the palace and so Daniel was allowed to continue with his strange food habits.
As I read this story, I realised three things:
1. Daniel was resolved.
2. He made a choice which others didn't understand. He had decided to follow his God and, even if he was worse off, he chose to trust God for his health.
3. The risk paid off and following God, despite the sacrifices, was actually better for him than if he had to continue to just fit in and do what everyone else was doing.
Daniel was known for his unswerving faith. He gave up 'good things' because he chose to live a radical life of obedience to his God and in the end it was better for him. The 'good' was replaced by the 'even better'.
And so whilst I had all these good plans and ideas for my boys and their futures, I realised that more than anything else I wanted them to live a life like Daniel - resolved, trusting God and being obedient to Him. I couldn't make them and their futures my god anymore and yet again I had to put them back into the very safe palm of God's hands, wherever that would take them.
No more 'not nows'. When God says 'do', I want to be able to 'do' instead of thinking of all my (very good) excuses. My children are not my gods. They are with us on the mission and as I keep putting them back into God's hands, I am excited about the 'even better' that He has planned for them.
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