Why I'd invite Shamima Begum to live in my house.

 I live with three teenagers.

That means I also live with the glorious ideals of three teenagers who are. always. right.

My teenagers have a relatively stable home (throw in the odd shouty-mum moment) and they enjoy the privilege of being white and middle class.  They don't face racism every day.  They don't have to work extra hard to be given their place in society.  They just exist and it's given to them on a plate.

But they still love their ideals.  And the debates in our house range from LGBTQ+ rights to FGM to the legalisation of cannabis.  Their opinions are strong.

But so was I at their age.  These days my views, like my hair, are far greyer.

It's normal for teenagers to throw themselves, passionately and wholeheartedly into an ideal and act on it.  Most of us have, and regretted it later.  It's how our brains develop.

Imagine then, a teenager with this developing brain, being systematically groomed by a group with very strong, very attractive ideals.  This teenager hasn't had the privileges my boys have had.  She's faced inequality, covert and overt racism and injustice whilst growing up as a British muslim.  The groomers point all this out to her, telling her she's justified in fighting back.  They understand how she feels when nobody else does.  They can use her to fight for the cause.  She'll have purpose.  She will have ideals.  She is needed.  Little by little, her developing brain is changed by these infiltrating messages.  Grooming changes the brain.  It's a known fact.

It's not even subtle.  They weedle their way into her brain, exploiting her background and her teenage development.  Until eventually, she's all in.

And, at just 15 years old, she boards a flight to Syria.

In law, human trafficking must have three elements:

• The Act (recruiting, selecting, transporting, harbouring of a person)
• The Means (through force, coercion, deception, fraud etc)
• The Purpose (for forced labour, sexual exploitation, forced marriage, domestic servitude, organ harvesting, criminal exploitation)

I'm no expert on Shamima Begum's case but it smells strongly of human trafficking to me.  

Shamima was selected, recruited, groomed and deceived into joining ISIS in order to be married off, sexually and criminally exploited.

The level of trauma she will have both witnessed and endured is beyond our white middle-class imaginings.  Her brain development will have taken a huge hit.  Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is highly likely.  She might not even be able to remember all she has seen and done whilst an active member of ISIS.  Now separated from her family, living with this trauma, she finds herself stateless and living in a camp.  At only 21 years old, she has experienced the grief of losing three babies, losing friends and family and losing her citizenship.

I hear your murmurs about this being her choice...

But remember how the developing teenage brain works?  Which of us made choices in our teen years that we later realised were the wrong choices?  And remember how grooming changed her brain?  We can, perhaps, argue that she had no choice in this at all.  She was swept along in the excitement, endorphins and purpose of fighting for those she cared about - whatever the cost.

What would we offer to other young adults in her predicament right now?

Stability

Support

Therapy

Family and community

And this is why I, as a mum of teenagers and a host of survivors of human trafficking in the UK, would invite Shamima Begum into my home.  

I can't change all that she's been through.  I can't heal the wounds or her regrets.  I can't stop the nightmares and the flashbacks.  I can't take away any of the shame she may be feeling.  I can't bring back her precious babies.

But I could show her acceptance while she heals.  I could show her that there are people who love her, despite her mistakes - however huge they might be.  I could give her the stability of somewhere safe to sleep at night that isn't patrolled by gunmen, three meals a day and the odd dog walk in the sunshine.  I could play games with her, showing her that it's okay to laugh again.  

I know that Shamima Begum probably won't ever end up in my kitchen, but I'd like to think that if there were others like her; groomed, exploited, with a history of criminal behaviour, I would be able to welcome them to my tribe.  

Expelling people is never the answer.

Welcoming them, is.