Change

It's not really in my nature, change. I like the comfortable, reassuring sameness of the known. Despite the fact that I endorse adventure for my family, my own nature is to shy away from it. It scares me and I hate the feeling of not knowing what is going to happen. I am a planner by nature, and spontaneity is to be avoided at all costs.

So, it is with enormous feelings of trepidation that I enter this new year. Jared has had the same job since we were married in 1999. Although it has not been the best job for family life, it has certainly not been the worst and it has definitely been a secure job in turbulent economic times. Yet this year, we give it all up to follow a dream that was sparked several years ago, with the kindling of ideas and support from others being slowly added along the way and then the breath of our God to fan the flames.

Of course, I have known this would come and we have been preparing for this time but the reality of it has hit me with full force this week. This next year is going to change our lives. Will it be for the better? In a family that enjoys risk taking, will this venture be one risk too far? Will we go for it, climbing to the top of the highest tree, without realising how to get down again? My optimistic, adventure-driven husband does not share my misgivings. He is focused, excited and ready for action. We make a good team. I think of the practicalities (as down to earth as making sure we have food to eat) and he dreams the dreams.

My battle is to continue to remind myself of the truth that our Father, who knows the unknown, is with us. Not only us he with us, he has already gone before us and knows what we need even before we do. This lesson, full of my uncertainties, of putting my trust in the only One who is certain will change our family.

And so, full of the realities of my fears about the coming year, I hold onto the One who is the Author of our lives and of our adventures. Change is going to happen. Change is not comfortable, will be painful and may be exhausting but there is no other road I want to travel. If this is the road for me, then I will walk it, not trusting in external 'securities' like a job or family, but in the One who will never let go of me despite the pain or the exhilaration of the journey.

Here goes.....