Toilet Rant - Gruesome content.

What is it with boys and toilets that makes them totally incompatible? Is it because somehow needing to wee takes them back to their caveman roots where they didn't have to aim but could just let it flow freely into a bush or the dark recesses of a cave?

It makes no difference how often I clean the toilet, at the end of every evening there is wee all over the floor, the walls and the skirting board. Is it really so hard to aim into a hole? The worst offence is not lifting up the seat and weeing all over it, only to be discovered when I sit down to visit the facilities myself and feel the dreaded cold wet sensation.

We have tried various methods for training the flow. Cheerios to aim at. Ping pong balls to aim at. We even bought a pack of blue ping pong balls with a smiley face on them. Dying the toilet water blue so that it turns green when the wee hits it. We have also tried the usual methods of shouting, nagging, bribery etc etc. All of these to no avail.

Now we could try and make them sit down to wee, but really, is it ok for a boy sit down and wee? Isn't one of the benefits of being a boy the fact that you can stand up to wee, and therefore you can wee whenever and wherever you are? We have all seen the men on the motorway hard shoulders admiring the grass verges.

So my life of cleaning up wee continues. And continue it will until my boys have left home, unless someone out there can give me some hope that this will improve. Someone please give me some hope that, as they are standing in front of the toilet, they won't get distracted and suddenly turn round only to spray everything in their path. Someone out there, please give me some hope that my bathroom will not smell like the men's urinals for the rest of my life.